Never Apart

Blood is a strange thing. We used to joke that if you even have 1/16th of Maori blood, you can claim all the rights due. Which makes almost anyone eligible.

People with a prince for a great-great-great-grandfather, will still claim royal blood today, even if they live in the projects and work in a kebab shop. It seems the tenuous mixing of white and red plasma clamps a much more tenacious fist onto our psyche than we know.

Having so many different bloodlines and living in so many places means being able to identify with more than your share of cultures, people and beliefs. It also means you are more easily buffeted by the winds of fortune.

As children, we sat at home and cried when we watched the trains derail in india, killing thousands. We wrung our hands and felt divided and torn as we saw the ravages of the Falkland wars. We mutely withstood the sneers and jeers as 911 happened. We made our homes available to refugees during the tsunamis. We kept a vigil as bomb threats overtook Christmas in Germany and worried about each and every relative still remaining at home. We waited at airports to welcome and comfort each distant relative returned from a war-torn country.

We are far flung and stand with our feet on more than one shore. Crimson rivers have strewn the ground where we stood as we shed our blood to protect the land we call home ... even if it was only for a few decades. We have planted and harvested and given back to the land we made our fortunes in. We have silently made offerings and amends, because our actions may be misconstrued in these times of deep distrust and paranoid but understandable suspicion.

This morning, I read the latest criticisms hurled at someone trying to do his part for charity. It made a heart already sorely wrung even more fragile.

I have not said anything about the Sichuan earthquake thus far. It does not mean I do not feel it less, or more. It simple means that some sorrows run so deep that only tears can express the river of grief.

Perhaps only Agnes can understand that the silent sorrow whispers more thunderously than the shouts of lament and platitudes of words.

It is unfortunate that a man donated $100,000 to the Sichuan earthquake rescue efforts and was criticised. Why? Because he was Andy Lau. 

The critics accused him of being stingy since he is such a big and successful celebrity and should and could have donated more. Quite right. How dare he? 

I mean, he only headlined and headed many of the initiatives to aid the rescue work. He wrote two songs and galvanised his other celebrity mates to sing and record the songs to raise money towards the efforts. He also begged all his mates to donate $100,000 each and then led by example by openly donating that amount first. The $100,000 was also set as a standard so there would be no comparison between each donor, so as not to take away from the issue at hand. How ironic.

I am no Andy Lau fan. I do not have any strong positive or negative feelings towards the man. But I think it is such mean-spirited criticism that is crippling charity efforts today. In Korea, it is much the same. Celebrities do not even want to be associated with charity work as it will garner negative publicity with evil-minded individuals accusing them of using it as a public relations tool.

It is true that true charity should be done quietly and without expectations and for the good of the beneficiaries and no one else. However, one of the biggest tool a celebrity has is just that. Their celebrity. They know their mere appearance will inspire fans and groupies to copy their actions. It is why celebrity endorsements work so well.

It is a double edged sword. You help the charity when you use your celebrity. But you get shredded by the critics for being a publicity whore. 

Perhaps that is Andy Lau's greatest sacrifice for the Sichuan earthquake victims. His reputation for their redemption.

Whatever his intentions, you cannot fault him for helping. Perhaps he did it because he is Chinese. Perhaps he did it because he has family and friends in Sichuan. Perhaps he did it because he just happens to like Sichuanese food. Or perhaps he did it because he is simply human.

Even if I disliked the lyrics to his song Promise, I will give a nod towards the man for silently bearing the criticism and not letting that deter or embitter him in his goal to lend a hand.

Rather, I prefer the lyrics, even if the melody is deplorable, of the song Never Apart, which was written specifically for the Sichuan victims. Sung by Jackie Chan, who really should not sing, and with the lyrics by Nan Shu, it is much more meaningful and profound. I apologise for my poor translation and can only hope Agnes can help me clean it up.

生死不離
In life or death we will never be apart
你的夢落在哪裡
Even in the place where your dreams have fallen
想著生活繼續
Life will continue
天空失去了美麗
Even as the sky loses its beauty in darkness
你卻等待夢在明天站起
You're still waiting and hoping to stand up again 
你的呼喊刻在我的血液裡
And your cries are engraved in my blood

生死不離
In life or death we will never be apart
我數秒等你的消息
I count the seconds as I await news of your return
相信生命不息
Holding on to the belief that life will never end
與你祈禱一起呼吸
I say a prayer with you, as I take each breathe with you
我看不到你卻牽掛在心裡
Although I cannot see you, I carry you deep in my heart 
你的目光是我全部的意義
To see your gaze means everything to me

無論你在哪裡
No matter where you are
我都要找到你
I will find you
血脈能創造奇蹟 生命是命題
Our shared blood can create miracles, life is the eternal answer
無論你在哪裡
Wherever you are
我都要找到你
I will find you
手拉著手 生死不離
Hand in hand, we will never be apart

生死不離
In life or death we are never be apart
全世界都被沉寂
The entire world is submerged in silent sorrow
痛苦也不哭泣
Tears unshed even in pain and sorrow
愛是你的傳奇
Love is your legacy
彩虹在風雨後堅強升起
The rainbow will rise in glory after the storm
我在努力看到愛的力氣
Our efforts will flourish from the power of love

無論你在哪裡
No matter where you are
我都要找到你
I will find you
血脈能創造奇蹟 生命是命題
Our shared blood can create miracles, life is the eternal answer
無論你在哪裡
Wherever you are
我都要找到你
I will find you
天裂了 去縫起
The sky has been torn part, let us mend it together

你一絲希望是我全部的動力
One thread of hope is all I need
搭起我的手築成你回家的路基
I raise my hands to form the road for your return home

無論你在哪裡
No matter where you are
我都要找到你
I will find you
血脈能創造奇蹟 生命是命題
Our shared blood can create miracles, life is the eternal answer
無論你在哪裡
Wherever you are
我都要找到你
I will find you
手拉著手 生死不離
Hand in hand, we will never be apart

無論你在哪裡
No matter where you are
我都要找到你
I will find you
血脈能創造奇蹟 大山毅然舉起
Our shared blood can create miracles, life is the eternal answer
無論你在哪裡
Wherever you are
我都要找到你
I will find you
天裂了 去縫起
The sky has been torn part, let us mend it together

手拉著手 生死不離
Holding each other's hand, we will never part in life or death


On that note, some have taken the route of criticising China for its oft-times misguided policies and stands, leveraging unkind statements such as "retribution", "they deserve it", even discussing their population, education and human rights practices in light of the recent tragedy. 

This is not the time to cast blame or to kick a dog when it's down. Whatever a nation's past crimes, real or alleged, a tragedy of this magnitude and sorrow should not be degraded or demeaned. Let us try to maintain some humanity and extend hearts and hands in good will instead of finger wagging. 

Until their land is healed and their people can sleep in peace without tears on pillows ... we should not add to their grief.

Gambian Gay Beheading

Let us all pray ...

To the Creator above, below, sideways, upside down, spread-eagle, downward dog pose, whatever, and whatever and in whichever language you would like to be called today, please enlighten your humble confused.

I, in all my behemoth ignorance, am having a crisis of faith.

That is, my faith in common sense and logical thinking.  But obviously, the two concepts are not compatible with the word "faith".  Not that I am trying to be blasphemous, oh Mighty One who might strike me down with righteous lightning from on high.

I humbly submit my confession of total confusion and ignorance.  I beg for a sign.  A sign that I should stop reading the newspapers, watching any form of information broadcasts and surfing the net.  In fact, I think I should just stop reading full stop.  And I am also reconsidering this whole con-job of thinking.

It is your servants of moral good who have brought my ungodly thought processes to light.  I do not know which division of the Heaven squad they are from but they're good.  Real good.

God's Squad Team Leader aka President Yahya Jammeh of Gambia recently shook me out from my erroneous ways by threatening to behead all gays if they do not leave Gambia.  I had no idea that that is the latest directive from you, Lord of all things big and small, but not beheaded.  I confess I was misled into thinking gay people were also human and therefore considered one of your children.  I had no idea they were adopted!

It was that Satan fella, wasn't it?  They're all his love-children and he tried to pass them off as one of yours.  That's just so wrong.  

I'd always treated them as mates.  In fact, I even claimed some of them as best mates.  I am so sorry, Lord, that I was such an unwitting minion of evil.  From now on, I shall walk the straight and narrow path and threaten to behead any of them who try to be in my vicinity.

I would also like to recommend President Yahya Jammeh (by the way, I love his name because in your infinite wisdom you gave him a name that means arrogant in Indonesian ... which he is not, of course ... so clever!) for the Angel Network award.  You know, the one started by your lobbyist.  Yes, the tupperware party circuit organised by that Ms Oprah who mans your lobby.

Anyway, I think his speech to announce this latest directive was incredibly touching.  I can even quote it ad verbatim, with the help of the Sydney Morning Herald.

"The Gambia is a country of believers ... sinful and immoral practices (such) as homosexuality will not be tolerated in this country," the president told a crowd at a political rally on May 15, local journalists told AFP on Thursday.

My God, I admit I am a trifle slow as it's taking me quite a while to figure out out what kind of believers Gambians are.  And it does not help that I keep hearing the tune of "I'm a believer ..." which causes my hips to shake and my feet to tap.  All terribly inappropriate for reading missives of religious doctrines.

Actually, if you do not mind terribly, oh Saviour of all threatened by the scourge of homosexuality, can you just drop me a hint of what the Gambian are believers of, please?  You can either leave me a voicemail, text me or IM me, Lord.  I am also on Facebook.  I can My Friend you, OK?

Anyway, back to your promised land of Gambia.  It is obvious they are your chosen people, Lord, for why else would they be the only ones chosen to be cured of Aids?  You are infinitely wise and loving to withhold your favour from the rest of the world who condone such sinful and sordid practises of sodomy.  Tough love is much needed.

President Jammeh went on the mountain-tops (no, I did not so hear the lyrics "The hills are alive ...") and told his people that you have given them the "miracle" cure for HIV and Aids in January this year.  What a lovely New Year gift, Lord.  I am not complaining that all I got was the flu because I know now that it was probably because I went out partying with my gay former-friends.  I now realise my sins.

The treatment is based on medicinal plants and a Koranic verse, which I think is so fantastic.  I am so stoked that it's all organic, without using chemicals.  Like even the Scientologists will be able to use this, if and when they accept that the Koran is pre-Thetan and Hubbard.  

I wish your chosen people in Gambia had greater faith and did not have to be ordered to give up their Aids antiretroviral drugs.  But I know you can get through this as you did in the old days when you had to send blights, locusts and the such to every household to convince them that you could cure diseases.  Maybe if they had radio then and you could tome, "Dr Love is in the house ..."

Like if you can bring it, you can take it away, ya know?  They should really just put their trust in you.  

But President Jammeh is keeping the faith and what a fine example he is setting for the infidels.  I think you should promote him to Prophet status.  Not that I am telling you what to do, of course, Lord.  I'm just saying ...  maybe a little something something for this fine crusader of God.

Alright, I have to go now, Lord, as you know I have to go find that Koranic verse and do some herb gathering.  Ya think you could like maybe help me out here by putting an X on the right page in the Koran and on the spot where the weed is growing?  

* Please note that title of post should be recited to the tune of one of Bob Marley's songs.

Dear John, You've Lost Your Family Jewels ...

I read in the Sydney Morning Herald that former PM, John Howard has been violated.  OK, OK, his house got broken into and apparently some jewelry was nicked.

These burglars have some balls.  Not only did they rob a former political leader, they did it in broad daylight!  The paper reported that the police were called to the "Wollenstonecraft home, on Sydney's north shore" at 4pm after the automatic alarm was tripped.  

Obviously no one was home, with the big man around the house out of the house, overseas.

Well, at least the burglars only did away with Mr Howard's family jewels ...

Flagging the Lion

I must not be feeling well as I found this hilarious for some reason.  I just had a vision of a bunch of angry Lion Citizens waging cyber warfare on OcUK of Cyber Nation.

I saw this post on Jialat.com and just totally cracked up. 

Cyber Nation's OcUK must think that such a small island would not notice the pilfering of their national symbol and pride.  

Dudes, they call themselves the Lion City aka Singapura.  Their national symbol is the merlion - half lion, half merman/mermaid, and totally kinky to me.  They claim the island was first named after a lion was spotted on the island in the 13th century.  Highly unlikely but hey ... who's to argue with them?  They also happen to be a nation totally obsessed with anything cyber or computers.  

Ya think they would have missed this?

So, according to Jialat.com, some irate Singaporeans are threatening to make a police report which appears to be a national hobby.  And the response from the OcUKers is to bring it on and to taunt the few flag-raising Singaporeans on how their police would not be able to do anything and to question if the Singapore police force has nothing better to do.

I can answer that.  They really don't.

After Mas Selamat managed to run away from them through a loo window months ago, they are looking for the next target to cover up their embarrassment and to prove that they are not to be made fools of.

Also, the Singapore government has a habit of suing people they think are opposing or a threat to their constitution.   

Er, so they just might start on the gamers, if you pardon the pun. 

Party Of Blondes

How many blondes does it take to make a Russian President?

I swear I am not on a vendetta against blondes or bimbos but both this and the previous article about The Bimbo Game appeared in my email and it seemed serendipitous.  

I truly thought the article was an April Fool's joke till I realised it was not yet April.  I know quite a few Russian friends and not all of them are blonde.  And do not seem blonde inside either.  I hesitate to inquire about the mindset and culture back in Russia that would induce such a phenomenon as it is a subject that seems broached with a minefield of faux pas.

From The Times

22 March 2008

Blonde ambition seeks to storm Kremlin

Tony Halpin in Moscow

Blondes famously have more fun, but a jealous world has long joked about their intellectual limitations. Now blondes in Russia are fighting the bimbo image by forming their own political party.

Organisers insist that the Party of Blondes will establish itself as Russia's newest political force by recruiting 50,000 members within weeks. The blonde ambition, they say, is to challenge Dmitri Medvedev for the presidency of Russia at the next election in 2012.

“The Party of Blondes is for blondes, those who love blondes, and those who are blonde inside,” general-secretary Marina Voloshinova told The Times. Confusingly, she is a brunette.

“I dyed my hair blonde once but it was so awful that I decided never to do it again. I just have to stay blonde inside,” she said. “Blonde is not just a hair colour, it's in your brain and your heart. Blondes accept life in a more lively way, they really have more fun.”

The idea started as an internet community, the Club of Blonde Lovers, that evolved from a forum for jokes into a discussion about the many problems facing Russian women. “We decided to make it more serious and to form a political party. Blondes are very attractive and the Party of Blondes is a way to gain attention for issues facing all women,” said Ms Voloshinova, a 39-year-old economist.

“We want to make it easier for women to start small businesses because that is where they can develop themselves, and children's education is a major question. It is free on paper but everybody knows that you have to pay under the table to get your child into a good school.”

She added: “We will try to have beautiful blondes as party representatives. Unfortunately, a lot of our beauties have left Russia and we have to work hard to make life more convenient for women so that they will stay and be beautiful here. Men will vote for a beautiful woman, but we have to convince them that she is not only beautiful but also clever and a good leader.”

The party launched three weeks ago and claims 5,000 members. It needs 50,000 plus branches in half of Russia's regions to gain official registration. “We will be ready by May 31, which is the Day of Blondes,” Ms Voloshinova said. The party is seeking support from famous blonde Russians, such as Valentina Matviyenko, the governor of St Pertersburg, Maria Sharapova, the tennis star, and Ksenia Sobchak, the “It” girl.

“They don't have to become members, just sympathise with our ideas. To be a real political force we need to develop our own leaders, and there are a lot of talented women in the regions.” Non-blondes, including men, are also welcome. Indeed, the current leader of the nascent women's party is a man, Sergei Kushnerov.

“He founded the Blonder Lovers' Club so he became our leader, but that may change when we are more organised. Anyway, he has dyed his hair blond,” said Ms Voloshinova.

She insists that the Party of Blondes is not a joke and that it is serious about capturing the Kremlin in a country where ultra-nationalists and Communists ran in this month's presidential election. Mr Medvedev may even have a fifth columnist in his camp - his wife Svetlana is blonde.

“No other party in Russia represents women's rights. We want to teach women to love themselves and to believe that they can be all that they want to be,” she said.

“We will have a blonde president and if we find a great woman leader who is not blonde, we will make her dye her hair. To become the President of Russia, every woman is willing to dye her hair.”

Looking at the picture of Marina Voloshinova somehow makes the article even more facetious.  I am really trying not to snigger here.  Really.  

Bhutan's Royal Sidestep

I've always been fascinated by Bhutan.  Such a shroud of mysticism and mystery swaddles this little monarchy that it provokes romanticised images of Shangri-la and a land beyond time.

Well, the outside world seems to be encroaching and it is being slowly wrought from within.

I fear the Bhutanese may be right in their concern about swapping a bunch of politicians for one monarch.  Although I can appreciate King Jigme Keshar Namgyal Wangchuck's (I stop for much needed breath here) decision to absolve himself from a seemingly archaic and undemocratic yoke, the evidence of its neighbours' faulty decisions is damning indeed.

Good luck, Bhutan.  Let's hope it is not a case of Paradise Lost.

Bhutan will end century of royal rule

The Associated Press

Sunday, March 23, 2008

THIMPU, Bhutan: The secluded Himalayan kingdom of Bhutan, a land that has made promoting happiness its paramount goal, will end more than a century of royal rule Monday with its first parliamentary elections.

And no one, apart from the king who is giving up his power, seems happy about it.

Candidates proudly call themselves monarchists. Party workers describe the vote as "heartbreaking." Voters fret about what will become of the Land of the Thunder Dragon when it trades its Precious Ruler for politicians.

Bhutan has long been an eccentric holdout from modernity - a mountainous land where Buddhist kings reigned supreme, allowing the Internet and television only in 1999 and coming up with the idea of Gross National Happiness, an all-encompassing political philosophy that seeks to balance material progress with spiritual well-being.

The election Monday is, in some respects, no different. Unlike the upheavals that have so often been the midwives of democracy around the world, Bhutan has never been more peaceful or prosperous. It is voting only because the king said it should.

"No one wants this election," Yeshi Zimba, one of the candidates, said as he campaigned door-to-door in the capital, Thimpu. "His Majesty has guided us this far, and people are asking, 'Why change now?' "

After the election, King Jigme Keshar Namgyal Wangchuck, 28, will remain head of state and will probably retain much influence. But elected leaders will be in charge, which worries many here who have watched in dismay as democracies in nearby Nepal and Bangladesh flailed toward disaster, and who have observed the often corrupt and chaotic political scene in neighboring India.

"People were looking around at what is happening in South Asia and saying, 'No thank you,' " said Kinley Dorji, who runs the state-owned newspaper, Kuensel. "But His Majesty said you can't leave such a small, vulnerable country in the hands of only one man who was chosen by birth and not by merit."

The Bhutanese are not so sure, and the two political parties both hew closely to the king's vision, promoting Gross National Happiness and featuring leaders who each twice served as prime minister under royal rule.

The election for the 47-seat National Assembly is the latest step in a slow engagement with the world, which Bhutan began in the early 1960s. Back then Bhutan was a medieval society with no paved roads, electricity or hospitals. Goods were bartered rather than bought, and almost no foreigners were let in.

But across the Himalayas, other isolated Buddhist kingdoms like Tibet and Sikkim were coming under the sway of foreign powers, and Bhutan - sandwiched between the Asian giants India and China - decided that it needed to change to survive.

"In the past, the strategy was to hide up in the mountains," said Dorji, the newspaper editor.

Not anymore. The country of about 600,000 people now has a cash economy. It will probably even join the World Trade Organization and thousands of tourists are welcomed every year, albeit on heavily supervised and expensive tours.

Still, Bhutan retains many of its peculiar ways. Mountain climbing is banned to preserve the pristine forests that laws dictate must cover 60 percent of the country. Bhutanese must go about in public in their national dress: a colorfully striped knee-length robe for men and an embroidered silk jacket with a wraparound skirt for women.

But that dedication to preserving Bhutanese culture has a darker side.

More than 100,000 ethnic Nepalis - a Hindu minority concentrated in southern Bhutan - were forced out in the early 1990s and have been living as refugees in eastern Nepal.

Bhutan says most left voluntarily, and refugee rebel groups have set off at least nine small bomb blasts this year in an effort to disrupt the election, killing one person. To head off more attacks, Bhutan sealed its borders Sunday and said it will not reopen them until after the vote.

Tens of thousands of ethnic Nepalis still live in Bhutan - 19 are candidates - but the fate of the refugees has not been an issue because parties are barred from speaking about matters of security or citizenship. They also cannot talk about the royal family.

Selamat Datang Spotting

Never let it be said the Singaporeans do not have a sense of humour.  

In a previous post I mentioned the SMS campaign deployed by the Singapore police to aid in the apprehension of escaped terrorist, Mas Selamat Kastari.

Every single person registered to a mobile phone company in Singapore was mobilised to keep a watchful eye out for the Jemaah Islamiyah terrorist who somehow managed to escape from a Singapore detention centre loo.

The Singapore authorities must be terribly embarrassed to have allowed this to happen and still not be able to locate the man.  Posters and messages remind anyone in Singapore of what he was wearing when the great escape occurred and then tell you he may have changed his appearance.  

That's useful.

So the local satirical site came out with a handy dandy helpful print out to identify this arch enemy No. 1 in Singapore.  I think it's brilliant.

Now why didn't they try that with Osama bin Hiddin'?  

How Much Is That Doggie's Life on Youtube?

This is the second shocking video I have seen or heard about in a night from Youtube.  Seriously, they need to do something about filtering.  Instead of spending so much time cracking on the arses of people who share anime or telly series, they should focus on not allowing such horrific videos from being broadcast.

From The Telegraph came this appalling story about a US marine throwing a puppy off a gully in Iraq.  Worse, they actually videotaped this and showed it on Youtube.  I am beyond horrified.

Smiling US Marine throws puppy off Iraq hill

By Bonnie Malkin

Last Updated: 1:54am GMT 06/03/2008

The American army is investigating shocking footage of a grinning Marine throwing a yelping puppy into a gully in Iraq. YouTube has since removed the footage The clip, which has prompted fierce criticism of the military, appeared on video sharing site YouTube. It has since been removed. It showed two Marines dressed in combat gear, one holding the young dog by the scruff of its neck. The dog, which looks about eight weeks old, is motionless. "Cute little puppy, huh?", one Marine can be heard saying. "Oh so cute, so cute little puppy," the other responds in a child-like voice. The Marine holding the dog then turns and throws it into the ravine below. The animal can be heard yelping until it hits the ground. A spokesman for the American military condemned the video as "shocking and deplorable" and said an investigation was underway into the incident. Marine spokesman Major Chris Perrine said the culprit was believed to be based in Hawaii. "We do not tolerate this type of behaviour and will take appropriate action," he said.

Of War & Monarchs

I do not claim the wisdom or life experience necessary to answer that question. However, I read many comments and opinions expressed about Prince Harry's thwarted duty. This article made the most sense. Let's not lose sight of the greater picture as we moon over the romanticism of monarchy and heroism.

'Harry's War': The ugly truth

Afghanistan veteran, Leo Docherty, criticises the British military campaign in Helmand province, where the Prince served until his tour of duty was cut short after details of it were leaked on the internet

By Leo Docherty, Afghanistan veteran
Sunday, 2 March 2008

Never has a young man looked as happy as Prince Harry did shooting away at suspected Taliban positions, near the town of Garmsir in Helmand province last week. After the crushing disappointment he suffered in not going to Iraq in 2007, the chance finally to deploy on operations as a forward air controller (responsible for guiding fighter jets and helicopter gunships to their targets via radio) will have come as a thrilling relief from the grim monotony of life in barracks.

I know how he feels. I too was an officer in the Household Division. A demanding year's training at Sandhurst leaves you at the peak of physical fitness and motivation, bursting with pride in your regiment and schooled in the noble sacrifices made by the heroes of previous wars. The craving for action and adventure is overwhelming, matched by a sense of "doing your duty". The desire to serve in Afghanistan is reinforced by a vague knowledge of heroes of the colonial-era "great game".

A favourite poem of the Army is one of James Elroy Flecker's, which sums up the aspirations of all young officers: "Go as a pilgrim, and seek out danger ... pit your very soul against the unknown and seek stimulation in the company of the brave." Every young officer wants to do just that. And operations are definitely a chance to seek out danger and live out the heroic ideal. As Harry said of his time in Garmsir: "It is somewhat what I imagine the Second World War to be like."

On operations the routine of regimental duty is replaced by a volatile mixture of excitement, frustration and terror. Courage, coolness and earthy humour are all that matter. Profound friendships are quickly forged between all ranks. The Gurkhas working with Harry have, to his delight, treated him like any other officer, probably for the first time ever. Indeed as Harry said himself: "This is about as normal as I'm ever going to get."

Did he say normal? If dropping bombs on Afghans and fighting from a base in Helmand is as close as Harry will ever get to normal life, then it's a sad indictment of his existence back home. But the real point here is that life for Afghans in Garmsir has been very far from normal since we Brits arrived.

In September 2006, British forces attacked and occupied what was until that point a thriving agricultural town. This means that the local farmers, who are poor cash-croppers exploited by opium barons, grow a great deal of poppy. But the British arrival, as in other towns across Helmand, brought nothing but military might – no means of development, no improvement in local living standards and no alternative to the poppy.

The most basic tenets of counter-insurgency were abandoned in the Army's haste to see action. Violence ensued as poppy farmers and opium traffickers teamed up with the Taliban to oppose the foreign occupiers. As the first British bombs fell, killing Afghan civilians, the battle for hearts and minds was lost.

The fighting rages still and opium production has soared to new heights. Overwhelming firepower (the kind that Harry co-ordinates) cannot resolve the fact that the British campaign in Helmand is illogical; we are trying to fight our way to winning hearts and minds and losing the trust of the population in doing so. Scores of civilians have been killed by British ordnance in Helmand. In 2007, at least 6,000 people died in the conflict across Afghanistan, of which approximately 1,400 were civilians. At least 500 of these deaths were directly attributable to Nato forces, mostly in air strikes; 89 British troops have been killed and 329 injured.

As General Sir Richard Dannatt has pointed out, we are there for the good of the Afghans, but at the moment we are having the reverse effect. The Taliban are resurgent. Funded by millions of dollars of opium money, they are responding to greater British troop numbers by increased use of suicide bombing tactics.

The US's top intelligence official, Mike McConnell, stated last week in Washington that security in Afghanistan is "deteriorating" as President Karzai controls only about 30 per cent of the country and the Taliban 10 per cent, with the remainder under tribal control. Put simply, this is a disastrous military adventure and not a just war.

Perhaps Prince Harry knows this. More likely, however, is that he's not too bothered about it because, for him, as for every other young officer, seeing active service is more important than any other consideration. This attitude is perhaps unavoidable in a highly trained professional army in which "cracking on" and doing what you're told is an institutional requirement.

But the Army has over the past few years of the "war on terror" exceeded itself when it comes to blind obedience. Take the Iraq war. In 2003 my fellow officers and I knew the WMD issue was a blatant ruse, but we cared little. Scenting action we ignored the fact that we'd been told a pack of lies, and satisfied ourselves with the vague notion that it was all for the good. We simply craved active service.

Given the monumental human tragedy that has unfolded in Iraq over the past five years, you'd think that further military adventures hatched on the backs of MoD fag packets would have been guarded against, but along came Helmand province.

Tragically, the fact that many soldiers are killed in these operations serves only to strengthen the myths of heroism and sacrifice that the Army relies on to pursue these adventures in the first place. These ideals allow the admirable personal qualities of soldiers killed on operations to be readily confused with the nature of the conflict. Partly a psychological defence mechanism, it allows soldiers to come to terms with the deaths of their colleagues without calling into question the fundamental reason for such deaths.

This graveside reasoning goes roughly like this: "He loved his job and the Army; he was an honourable man; therefore his death can only be honourable and worthwhile." Following this line of reasoning after the deaths of friends and colleagues in Iraq and Afghanistan, I eventually found the answers wanting, became disillusioned and left. But if a few disillusioned officers leave, it makes no difference to the Army; there are always more fresh faces arriving from Sandhurst.

So if the Army is blinkered in its lust for action, and lied to by its government, surely the media are there to point out unpleasant truths. At this point the images of Prince Harry blasting away on a machine gun seem dangerously close to propaganda. While his bravery and commitment are beyond doubt, his 10-week stint in Helmand has revealed itself as a PR recruiting stunt, cooked up by the MoD and facilitated by the media's collusion.

Rather than highlighting the appalling truths about the war in Helmand, the media, dazzled by the heroic ideal that Prince Harry so perfectly embodies, perpetuate the myth that this is a just war fit for heroes. The frenzy of coverage in Friday's papers (with the conspicuous exception of this newspaper) was facile; "Watch Prince Harry fighting in Helmand," proffered one broadsheet website.

This is war reduced to entertainment, willingly ignorant of the truth that young men like Harry, both British and Afghan, are dying violent pointless deaths in Helmand province. Outrage is the only response to this, not entertainment.

Prince Harry won't have the opportunity to make a proper judgement about the war in Helmand. After 10 weeks, six short of his planned stay, he's returning home, a pin-up hero yet an exploited victim of the media circus that drove him to seek "normality" in Helmand in the first place. The media he blames for hounding his mother to her death have stripped him of his professional raison d'être. "I generally don't like England that much... it's nice to be away from all the press and the papers and all the general shite that they write," he has said.

Coming home will be a blow. But this is war, not therapy. It's a war worth fighting, but it's a war worth getting right, which we're not doing at the moment. Let's hope those troops who have served alongside Harry and have months still to go get the chance, like our young Prince, to come home soon.

Opinion

His conduct has been exemplary. He is a credit to the nation

General Sir Richard Dannatt, Chief of the General Staff

As you can imagine, it's a great relief to see him home in one piece

Prince of Wales, Harry's father

He has shared the same risks that are part of conducting operations

Brigadier Andrew Mackay, Harry's commanding officer

[Harry's tour was a] very calculated public relations exercise

Max Clifford, Publicist

Leo Docherty served in the British Army in Iraq and Afghanistan and is author of 'Desert of Death: A Soldier's Journey from Iraq to Afghanistan', published by Faber & Faber

In a comment I posted to someone in regards to this article, I said, 

"I saw that interview with the two princes on the anniversary of their mother's death and it drove home how abnormal their lives have been and will continue to be. I would hate my children to have to go through that.

Still, I thought of how our princes and kings of yore fought in wars and it was considered an honour, privilege and absolute duty as a monarch and monarch-in-line to defend home and heath. Save for a few craven cowards or sickly individuals, our kings & monarchs-in-waiting have usually been in the thick of it all, leading the charge. Sometimes towards the wrong way but they led it nonetheless. Back then, the storytellers told of their war exploits with pride and usually did not send smoke signals to the enemy in a X-marks the spot indicator right over their heads.

However, put yourself in the place of the Afghans. You're minding your own business tending your poppies which some bloke really really wants but you have no clue why. In the midst of your planting some Brits come along and bomb the hell out of the place. Crop gone. No income. No home. Hungry mouths. Pissed off Afghan. Let's get 'em Brit plonkas.

To them, we're the invaders and not the "liberators" ... what a detestable word. While our intentions are good, we went forth with an arrogance that has destroyed the land, lives and livelihoods of a country we knew little of. I'm not saying our soldiers have fought in vain as they did their duty for Queen and country regardless of their own philosophy which is high loyalty and bravery indeed. However, there has to be a better way to this. But as I said I do not have the wisdom, knowledge and life experience to divine the right solution but it does not take a lot to see what is the wrong one."

Be My Teddy Bear

Imagine if Elvis had sang his song about teddy bears differently ...

I come from a family with a strange and sometimes awkward mix of races, nationalities, backgrounds and of course, religions. The Muslim and Catholic family factions have co-existed harmoniously in a fairly live-and-let-live mutual agreement for decades. So growing up, I have been exposed to both religious doctrines.

Therefore, it is with no disrespect or bias when I say ... Bollocks. Bollocks to incarcerating and sending a woman home just because she tried to be an accommodating and good teacher.

Bollocks for turning a symbol of comfort and universal child-like innocence into a religious battle-axe.

Bollocks to making education a platform for teaching intolerance.

Bollocks to punishing instead of enlightening ignorance.


British teacher jailed over teddy bear arrives home
By Steve Meller and Kate Kelland
Tue Dec 4, 2007

LONDON (Reuters) - A British teacher jailed in Sudan for letting her pupils name a teddy bear Mohammad arrived in London on Tuesday after being pardoned and said she had been well treated in prison and was sorry to leave the country.

A smiling Gillian Gibbons was met by her son John and daughter Jessica at Heathrow airport after her flight touched down at around 0705 GMT.

"It has been an ordeal, but I would like you to know that I was well treated in prison and everybody was very kind to me," Gibbons told reporters. "I was very sorry to leave Sudan. I had a fabulous time there."

Gibbons, sentenced last week to 15 days in jail for insulting Islam, flew home from Khartoum with two prominent British Muslim legislators who had appealed to the Sudanese president for her early release.

Gibbons, 54, let her pupils at Khartoum's private Unity High School pick their favorite name for a teddy bear as part of a project in September.

Twenty out of 23 of them chose Mohammad -- a popular boy's name in Sudan, as well as the name of Islam's Prophet -- but a member of staff complained to the authorities.

Gibbons apologized for any distress she might have caused the people of Sudan. She has said she encountered "nothing but kindness and generosity from the Sudanese people".

Prime Minister Gordon Brown, whose country has had strained relations with Sudan for several years, mainly because of the conflict in Darfur, said he was "delighted and relieved" to hear Gibbons had been pardoned and freed.

Two British peers, Baroness Sayeeda Warsi and Lord Ahmed, went to Sudan at the weekend in a private initiative to try to secure Gibbons' early release.

Her pardon and release was announced while they were meeting President Omar Hassan al-Bashir on Monday and they left Khartoum later in the day.

Many Sudanese said they thought Gibbons' action was an innocent mistake which could be forgiven after an apology.

Sudan's influential Council of Muslim Scholars urged the government on Sunday not to pardon Gibbons, saying it would damage Khartoum's reputation among Muslims around the world.

Gibbons thanked all those who had helped secure her release and said she was glad to be back in Britain and eager to spend some quiet time with her family.

"I'm a little shocked at all the media attention I have been getting and I am looking forward to seeing my family and friends and having a good rest," she told reporters at the airport. "I am hoping that you will give me space in order to do that."

Eye of A Cougar

Well, they do say love knows no bounds. However, I really would like to know what Osama Bin Hiddin' is thinking now.

It appears that the Bin Laden genes are much more tolerant, open, loving and Rasta than we thought. After all, how else can you explain how the new daughter-in-law of the Bin Hiddin' clan is a cougar. And what a cougar!

Photos from dailymail.co.uk

But before we focus our attention at this chi chi feline, get a load of Mr Osama Bin Hiddin' junior aka Omar Osama Bin Hiddin' aka Extra from Battlefied Earth.

Our man, Omar or Baby O as I like to call him, is all of 27 and a scrap metal dealer in Jeddah. Our lady (sic) is a 51-year-old grandmama from Cheshire who lists her occupation as writer & photographer. Oh, did I forget to mention that Baby O currently has a wife and a two-year-old back home? 

But it's all good as Lady Jane Felix-Browne aka Zaina Mohamad al Sabah aka Paula Joy Hanson (look I did not make up these names ... she came up with them all by herself) had spoken to Wifey No. 1 on the phone and "she was fine with it."

She's an Arab woman on the phone with you. What did you expect? Her to call a fatwa on you and scream names beginning with w and ending with e at you? Translation: "We are fine" also starts with w and ends with e.

Least you start feeling too sorry for our lady J, Baby O is her 6th husband. Yes, she is a royalist indeed to so emulate Henry VIII. Our Zaina (you cannot hear it but I am actually playing that cheesy song Zaina in honour of her right now) has been much around the block, which would explain why she would seek out the matrimonial land of opportunity that is Afghanistan.

I think it's rather smashing that cougars set the way for us such that we can prey on fine, young men as we edge closer to our golden years. I applaud & welcome the opportunity to press my wrinkled, gnarled cheeks against the firm, taut cheeks of a wound up laddie in my later years.

However, our Cheshire cat is so dubious that even Baby O is looking wholesome in comparison. Yes, imagine that! The whole relationship and back story smacks of the work of some Coronation Street scriptwriter.

* A practising Muslim, Lady J claims she is of Arabic parentage. Her birth certificate lists her as the second child of George Hanson, mechanic from Lowestoft, and Beryl Hanson. She was born Paula Joy Hanson in Radcliffe, Lancashire.

* She claims she was married at 16 to a Saudi gentleman in London in an Islamic ceremony. There are no official records of this. And neither are there records of the father in her eldest son's birth certificate. Please note that this would be make it 1973.

* She claims she met the senior & £12.5million bounty-worth Osama Bin Hiddin' in a party in London in the early 1970s.

* She changed her name to Felix-Browne. Reasons unknown but her eldest son Dave also uses that surname. I could not find out the exact age of the eldest son but can confirm that he is older than 28. 

* She went through a slew of husbands, none of whom are lords or titled and lists her occupations in each successive marriage certificate as spinster, aircraft interior designer & psychotherapist.

* She started addressing herself as Lady around her time of her fifth marriage, to a RAC patrolman named Andy.

* She met Baby O on one of numerous annual trips to Cairo to seek treatment for her multiple sclerosis, which her friends and family assert also covered the many plastic surgery procedures such as facelifts, breast enlargements, and bottom lifts.

* She is lobbying to get her husband a visa to visit UK and presumably to spend the rest of his days in the fair comfort of her arms. She says, "Because my husband's name is Bin Laden he finds it very difficult to travel anywhere. He rarely leaves Saudi Arabia because of the problems he runs into at airports." 

Only airports? I run into problems everywhere just for wearing a ghalabeeya!

"He would like to spend quite a bit of time here. There's no reason why he should not come here to live, but I don't think he would like the weather." 

No, no reason at all for the boy who grew up in the training camps of Al Qaeda from a tender age and who only estranged from his father after a fight on the Taiban's tactics during 9/11. Which by the way, he did not protest the act, he just protested the fact that it derailed the Taliban regime.


* Lady J insists that Baby O has not seen his father since 6 months before 9/11 and her spouse describes Big O as a "very kind man". 

* She claims her beleaguered husband is wary of everyone and is watchful of cameras and of being followed. Silly boy, those MI6, CIA and Saudi operatives always hang around Cheshire pubs and Jeddah airports to protect cougars like Lady J. It's all part of the service.

* Lastly, Lady J says she just wants to live a quiet life with her new husband in our fair isle of UK. I'm sure she can since she drives a white Jaguar with an Egyptian licence plate in the village of Moulton, wears predominantly black with a walking stick, and best of all, can lay claim to a man whose address is most wanted by the SAS.

Ah, our lordship in Bath must do better in the eccentricity stakes as we're starting to look bad next to Cheshire.

Signed,
Whatsherface Bin El Gabra*

*Gabra means confused or lost