Bite Your Tongue

It's a good thing I'd already had my lunch as this article puts a foul taste on my mouth.

They always say hospital food is terrible but in Slovenia, it is not just a tongue in cheek statement.

A doctor was having a bite to eat in the hospital canteen when he spotted a strange piece of meat in his chicken risotto. Can I just say here that is is quite a marvel that he could identify it as "strange" as I have always been unable to sort out the mystery meat objects in hospital canteens.

Anyway, he complained about it and after some intense bickering, where the doctor insisted that it was not chicken, they actually sent it for tests. I certainly hope that it was not a state hospital as the idea that tax funds could be used so arbitrarily for expensive tests on mystery meat objects in hospital canteens ... well, I'll just bite my tongue.

When the tests came back, they were horrified to discover that it was part of a human tongue.

Much tongue wagging later, they concluded that a doctor must have accidentally dropped it into the food.

Raises hand. Question: Why would a doctor be walking around the canteen with a human tongue? Oh oh, and why was he so near the kitchen? Is there a Dr Hannibal at the hospital? There are more questions at the tip of my tongue but we'll leave it here.

Inspectors have since closed the canteen in Izola, southern Slovenia, to review hygiene standards. I think they should also go around reviewing who's missing a tongue as well.

A hospital spokesman insisted: "I can say clearly that we have never used patients' parts in any of our dishes."

Yes, you can mate since you're not the one missing a tongue. 

Speechless indeed.