Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Glossed Over Truth - Get Lippy With It

I love makeup. I am girly enough to gush over a cool lip gloss or a brilliant new shade of eye shadow. So when I received the latest ad for a new lip gloss, I was fairly open minded and interested.

Too Faced Cosmetics (if you still do not get a clue with that name, I have a bridge to sell you) recently launched a new lip gloss entitled Fuze Slenderised Guilt Free lip gloss.

Why slenderised and guilt free?

Because this fruit-flavoured lip gloss professes to suppress your appetite with "the same mix of minerals and ingredients found in Coca-Cola's Fuze energy fruit drinks".

The blend of the minerals chromium and L-carnitine, along a hydroxycitric acide extract called Super Citrimax, in Fuze is touted to enable the size-challenged "to drink a full bottle of the beverage to get the promised hunger-easing metabolism boost". 

The rocket scientist founder of Too Faced, Jerrod Blandino, claims that "the skin on the lips is very thin" so you "will ingest some of it" and that this is "playing with nutritional science in a girly way".

Since when is Coke Fuze a nutritional resource?

Nutritionists have, of course, been thin-lipped over this and given Too Faced some lip.

They wag that there's no hard evidence linking these [Coke Fuze & Fuze SGF] products to weight loss. One even expounded that you might lose weight if you kept putting on the flavored lip gloss which would be a distraction from eating, similar to chewing sugar-free gum.

What utter bollocks. 

My theory is that lip gloss would only work as a weight-loss tool if it tastes like absolute shite. It tastes so bad, you would rather bite your own tongue off than lick your lips. You will be tight-lipped throughout the day rather than risk the accidental inhalation and tasting of the noxious balm. You will cease to eat. Voila, weight loss.

I can say this with full confidence as I abhor Chanel lip sticks. Not because I am anti-Franco or dislike the shades. But because their lip sticks are tragically vile-tasting. 

Every time someone slicked a Chanel on my lips, I would cringe. It was the most torturous (and hungry) experience when Chanel was the official sponsor. The bitter, medicinal chemical taste would put a pained grimace on my face. Now that is a good weight loss tool.

See, Chanel? Never let it be said I did not give you some love ...