Friday, March 7, 2008

Breast Beating

Bet you never thought you'd see breasts coming to the rescue, eh?

Now there are more uses to the bouncy pair than eye candy and flotation devices.  They can be submitted as Exhibit A in a court of law.

A 38-year-old Japanese pin-up model by the stage name of Serena Kozakura, has used her breasts to beat the courts.  In a case proving that size does matter, Kozakura managed to overturn a guilty verdict on the power of breasts alone.  

She had been previously convicted of willful destruction of property after a November 6, 2007 incident in which she allegedly kicked a hole in the her boyfriend's apartment door.  Apparently, she had been enraged to discover a woman in her faithless boyfriend's abode, and even more riled to be kicked out.  So angered apparently that she must have channeled some ancient Japanese mojo and kicked a hole in the door to re-enter the sordid fray.

The pins of steel appealed her innocence to the Tokyo High Court and a rambunctiously buoyant tale of  justice followed.

In the appeal case, the man and a witness (presumably the woman caught cheating with the basturd, I mean, boyfriend) both testified that Kozakura kicked a hole in the door the size of 28.3 inches by 8.7 inches, then proceeded to squeeze through it into the apartment to terrorise the pair.

Here's what the defendant had to say.

"I used to hate my body so much ... 

I was always worried about being a bit fat, but this time I was glad.

It was definitely my breasts that won for me today."

And how did they win the day?

Her defense counsel held up a plate, a la OJ Simpson, illustrating the size of the hole and said it was impossible for her to squeeze her 110 cm/44 inch bust through that.

The judges were able to maintain their composure and Kozakura commended them on being "good-mannered" by "showing no expression on their faces" as well as being "well-trained".  But presiding judge, Kunio Harada did say that there "were considerable doubts about the man's testimony."  Presumably this was said after he politely and discreetly retrieved his eyes back into their sockets.

Additionally, Kozakura maintained that the hole was made by her boyfriend to incriminate her.  Well, he obviously had not handled her enough if he could not gauge her size properly.

In a country where women are more likely to have chest pimples to match their petite frames, Kozakura's unusual dimensions have made her into a bikini pin-up sensation fueling Japanese males' orbsession with boobs.

It is highly likely that this latest tight spot, which has been avidly boob-watched by the Japanese media, will make her an even larger sensation.