Friday, March 21, 2008

Cosmetic Confidential

I was watching telly with some friends and some entertainment programme came on and went on and on about stars without makeup and kept shredding them to pieces over the silliest, most mundane things.

We could not quite understand the venom cast at these celebrities for most parts but some of them were quite well deserved.  So I thought I'd have a look at some of the stars sans makeup and see if I would feel better about myself or feel sorry for them or both.

First up is Demi Moore.  Honestly, for her age, she looks pretty darn good.  So she seems to have bad skin and looks more her age under her makeup.  But still, even without makeup, she looks better than most women her age.  I just want to know who her makeup artist is.  Fab job.  Teach me, mate!

Then we have Heidi Klum who looks way better without makeup in my opinion.  She definitely looks younger without the ladies who lunch plaster of Mac on her face.  Heidi, clean face is in, Ab Fab makeup is Aut!  Say Auf Wiedersehn to the bronzer brush too!  The George Hamilton look is a tranny mess, honey.

Kirsten Dunst.  What can I say.  I loved her in Interview with a Vampire but admittedly she grew up to be a rather plain young woman.  Still, she has a fresh face that looks pretty good unadorned by makeup - she looks like any other young girl and certainly no troll by any standards.  But the difference with a whole lotta of eyeliner, foundation and colour actually makes her fairly pretty.  

I think the Olsen Twins are scary.  They have a cadaverous, claw-y demeanour and body language to them that makes me think of crow women.  Couple that with their bad fashion choices, worse dating decisions and not-sure-if-its-goth-or-The-Contender-loser makeup, they really make the news in a bad way.  But the trashing of Mary Kate without makeup is unjustified.  She looks better without makeup.  Like the child she is still ... a 22-year-old instead of someone who looks 32.  Look how wholesome she looks sans makeup versus the anaemic raccoon caught in the headlights of an oncoming car look.  Back away from the eyeliner, Mary Kate ... back away from the eyeliner ...

I am on the fence on this one.  Eva Longoria is undoubtedly a stunning Latina.  But under the makeup she appears to be just a pretty Latina.  A very pretty one but definitely lacking that X-factor that the Max-factor can impart.  Oh the wonders of makeup!  

Miss Simpson, I do declah!  You need to fire your makeup artist.  Good lord!  Who knew such a pretty young woman lived underneath all that skanky, hoe glow?   Honestly, she is stunning without all that paint that makes her look like a waitress from Hooters!  She should definitely, without a doubt, go without.  And what is it with the blondes overdosing on the eyeliner?

Hmmm, I don't know about this one.  It could just be a badly taken photo but Lisa Kudrow does look awfully wrinkled and aged in the non makeup photo.  Will say she looks better with makeup though.

Frankly do not see much difference with or without makeup for Alicia Silverstone.  Not sure why they panned her so badly.  And anyway, always just found her blandly pretty with no real charisma to her face.

OK, Jessica Biel definitely needs a little makeup.  Sure you can still tell she's a beautiful woman despite the red-rimmed eyes and cadaver lips but she definitely needs colour - especially on the lips.  

Is it me or are all the young starlets looking better without makeup?  I understand the youth and subtlety are dichotomies but surely they own mirrors?  Lindsay Lohan looks so much like a 40-year-old now (this is actually a rather kind and backdated photo) that even without make-up she looks aged.  How on earth did she get this way?  OK, stoopid question ...

Penelope Cruz is one hot mama but in the no makeup picture she actually looks a little like my mama.  I kid you not.  Just thinner in the face and with a longer and sharper nose.  She actually looks like one of the ladies in black who loiter around the squares to bitch about you in Spain.  I have a bad feeling that Ms Cruz may grow into a rather scary old lady.

I've seen Cameron Diaz's before pictures for ages now and the media seems to like crucifying her over them.  She's beyond plain the makeup (OK, she's pretty fugly in one of the pictures) and she seems to have horrendously bad skin.  Which makes me feel really, really good about myself, especially during that time of the month when I break out like crazy.  But I like her attitude.  She does not give two hoots.  Good on her.  

She's 18, gorgeous, talented, with a hit TV series and a hot boyfriend.  And she looks great without makeup.  It is easy to hate this ingenue but really, be serious.  If you look like shite and need makeup at 18, it's going to be a downhill slide without plastic surgery for you.

Another one that falls into the Heidi Klum, Jessica Simpson category.  Waaaaay too much makeup that makes Katherine Hiegl look like an aging dowager who's waiting for her dance instructor toy-boy to take her out for walkies.  Honestly, she's really pretty without makeup so she should stop trying to look like a wax figure from Madame Trussard's.

Cripes.  Christina Ricci should get on her knees and pray to the Makeup God because that's just ... cripes.

Ah, I think she looks way better without makeup.  She looks more natural, younger and real unlike her usual, overly madeup look that can sometimes make her comes across as plastic, smug, insincere and self-satisfied.  

Right, she needs makeup because it's quite obvious she's rather plain without it but I think Pamela Anderson should try a lighter hand with her war paint so she does not look like she's still kicking and screaming her way out of her pornstar past.  But I think she looks so much better without the makeup only because she looks like a mummy who can be warm and normal.

Oh dear.  Definitely makeup required for Christina Applegate.  'Nuff said.

You have no idea how good seeing the before pictures of the two Kates - Moss and Holmes, Gwen Stefani and Tyra Banks - makes me feel.  No sign of suppression anywhere.  If supermodels, pop stars and Stepford Wives can look like that, there's hope for me still.