Call of the Thetans

The rumours of Tom Cruise's and Katie Holmes' marital arrangement has been lurking on the Internet for as long as Oprah's couch could stand the midget's, sorry, actor's weight.

However, this latest article from Page Six lends greater credence to the rumour.

I've always thought that Katie Holmes was a little lack luster, dull and seemingly single-celled, charming and pretty though she seems.  But until she married Cruise, these suspicions were not proven.  However, I think she is not unhappy in her position despite people casting accusations that she looks dour, pinched and unhappy in her new role.

On the contrary, I think she looks very "put together" and not in a good way, rehearsed, restrained, wary, visually older than her years and still too one dimensional to realise the depth that she has sunk.  Luckily they have a cute kid together so that might be compensation and solace enough.

From Page Six:

It is one of Hollywood’s biggest mysteries: Did Tom Cruise actually set up auditions to find a wife? Well, according to ex-Scientologist Marc Headley, abso-Xenu-lutely! Marc, who used to produce promotional films for the religion, spoke to Britain’s News of the World and said that following Tom's split from Penelope Cruzin 2004, the megastar told his BFF (and head of Scientology) David Miscavigethat he was having trouble meeting women. So the church sent out a casting call that said, “There’s an upcoming Tom Cruise movie you might get a part in. Come for an audition.” There were of course restrictions: You had to be single, pretty and in your twenties. 

While a few female Scientologists were rounded up — Traffic’s Erika Christensen and CSI: Miami's Sofia Milos — they were all rejected as Tom focused his attention on bigger stars. “They went for Jennifer Garner, Scarlett Johansson and Jessica Alba, in that order,” Marc says. “Jennifer and Jessica didn’t bite but Scarlett took the bait and came in for an audition. When she arrived and found out it was the Scientology Center in Hollywood, she freaked out and didn’t do a tape…”

But Katie Holmes popped into the Scientologist's minds because she had previously spoken out about her crush on Tom. “They got her to L.A. and introduced her to Tom. The moment he meets her, he’s enthralled with her and he told Miscavige later, “I knew immediately she was the one,” Marc says.

And they all lived happily ever after…

A long time ago, when I was a kid, I had to audition for a supposed gig and it was at the estate of the client.  Fortunately, there were four of us so we felt safe about going to the audition together and we trusted our agent.  It turned out to be an audition of another kind.

The client was the outwardly charming mother of the youngest scion who was apparently dating some stripper.  So she, being a music and dance enthusiast, decided that a dancer for a daughter-in-law was a better option than a stripper.  Nice.  

Anyway, I only came to the realisation when the audition process took ages and involved tea, showing us around the estate, playing her music collection and checking what songs we knew and did not know, our knowledge of music, dance and the arts, our age, our family history ...

I was getting terribly suspicious, especially as she seemed to settle on me being the likely target.  After some careful and subtle counter-cross examination of my own, I discovered the reason.  And very politely and firmly made my rapid exit.  

I think two of the other girls still had no clue what it was all about even after we left but the third girl, whom I was closer to, smelt a rat too and we were both rolling our eyes at the whole farce.  We raised a huge stink back at the agency, made worse because the agent happened to be a family friend who knew my grandmother's infamous temper.  From then on, they never sent anyone out to that kind of casting call again and were more careful in their screening.

It's sad when being an actor or dancer is deemed as no better than an escort.